Page 2
Q: Why does the president wear underwear?
A: To keep his ankles warm.
Ken Starr says that he thinks he has the president licked with Monica's help.
Q: How did Monica Lewinski get her job as a white house intern?
A: She passed the oral exam, over and over again.
President Clinton had been walking around the White House and going to meetings all day with a pair of pink ladies' panties on his arm. Reporters and staff observed this phenomenon and of course wondered what he was doing. At an afternoon press conference Sam Donaldson got brave enough to ask him why he had a pair of ladies' panties on his arm. The President replied: "It's the patch; I'm trying to quit."
One Sunday morning Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the biggest hunk at Stanford. He lives in Palo Alto and his name is Dennis."
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Dennis is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him."
Chelsea was heart-broken. After eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half- brother too, honey. I'm awfully sorry about this."
Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," she complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half- brother."
Hillary just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."
Did you hear about the new White House soup?
It's a little weenie in a lot of hot water.
President Clinton's Deposition by Dr. Seuss
I are Starr, Starr I Are.
I'm here to ask, As you'll soon see... Did you grope Miss Lewinsky?
Did you grope her In your house?
Did you grope Beneath her blouse?
I did not do that Here or there... I did not do that Anywhere!
I did not do that Near or far... I did not do that Starr-you-are!
Did you smile? Did you flirt? Did you peek Beneath her skirt?
And did you tell The girl to lie When called upon To testify?
I do not like you Starr-you-are... I think that you Have gone too far!
I will not answer Anymore... Perhaps I'll go And start a war!
The public's easy To distract When bombs start Falling on Iraq!
Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up". Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up." Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?" Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom." To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom." Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot".
Clinton had a bunch of lambs.
Their lips as white as snow.
And every thing that Bubba said.
The fools agreed you know ?
They kissed his rear.
And said he's great.
They followed him Like sheep.
They didnt care no matter what.
They worshiped the big creep.
He lies and cheats.
But that's ok.
You see his crowd's the same.
For them you see it matters not how you disgrace your name.
Clinton is walking down a hall in the White House, encounters a new intern, and asks, "Are you new here?" "Why Yes," she answers. "I thought so," he says. "I haven't come across your face before."
Q: What does Monica Lewinsky and a Coke machine have in common?
A: The both say insert bill here!
Back
To Main Page