Clinton Jokes
Click on Bill's privates to hear Bill inside Air Force One
Clinton goes out the front door of the White House and sees. " Bill Clinton must die " written in the snow in urine. He becomes furious and calls the head of the secret service to his office and says. "You find out who did this and I want to know by tonight!" Later that evening the secret service agent told the president, "I have bad news and worse news." The president says "give me the bad news." The agent says "the bad news is the urine tested as belonging to Al Gore." The president screamed " I have never been so betrayed in all my life what could be worse than that? " The agent replied " it was Hillary's handwriting! "
Q: What was Clinton's last gift to Monica? A: Spot remover.
This Monica Lewinski/Bill Clinton fiasco is really a misunderstanding. Monica is a bit hard of hearing, and the Whitehouse intercom is a bit crackly. What Mr Clinton really said was: "Monica, hold my calls and sack my cook".
The wives of four world leaders were discussing what a penis is called in their native languages. The wife of Tony Blair said in England people call it a Gentleman because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin said in Russia it is called a Patriot because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side. The wife of Chirac said the French call it a Curtain because it goes down after the act. And Hillary Clinton said Americans call it a Rumor because it goes from mouth-to-mouth.
Top 11 Upcoming Ad Campaigns Featuring Monica Lewinsky
Q: Did you hear what they found in Monicas dress?
A: ""A wad of small Bills""
A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled:""Got Milk.""
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a whitemustache. It is entitled: ""Forgot milk.""
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a whitemustache on it. It is entitled: ""Not Milk.""
Q: How many Bill Clinton's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, he's too busy screwing his interns.
Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. ""Bill, Bill wake up."" Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, ""Bill, Bill wake up."" Bill finally wakes up and says, ""What do you want?"" Hillary responds, ""I have to go use the bathroom." To which Bill says, ""Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."" Hillary says, ""No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot.""
There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon. It will have a six-inch hard drive, but no memory.
Gennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Bill Clinton was anything like the Monica Lewinski affair. She supposedly replied, ""Close, but no cigar.""
Clinton is walking down a hall in the White House, encounters a new intern, and asks, ""Are you new here?"" ""Yes,"" she answers. ""I thought so,"" he says. ""I haven't come across your face before.""
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky?
A: One can't come clean and one can't clean come
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver?
A: A screwdriver turns in screws, Clinton screws interns.
Clinton vs Titanic: Incredible Similarities
TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long and $9.99 on the Internet.
CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long and $9.99 on the Internet.
TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden
love, a subsequent catastrophe.
CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden
love, a subsequent catastrophe.
TITANIC VIDEO: Villain: White Star Line.
CLINTON VIDEO: Villain: Ken Starr.
TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist.
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a B.S. artist.
TITANIC VIDEO: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill.
TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica.
TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there.
TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica's forced to return her gifts.
TITANIC VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly
popular.
CLINTON VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Bill Clinton's approval rating
is at 70%
TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hilary.
CHELSEA LEARNS FROM DAD
Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table
having a mother-daughter talk. Hillary asks Chelsea,
"You have been going to college for a while now, have you
had sex yet?"
Chelsea says, "Well, not according to Dad."
Bill really pumps me up