Message from Santa
Dear John,
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all the gifts from the Twelve Days of Christmas, but we have a little problem up here at the North Pole. The twelve Fiddlers Fiddling have all come down with V.D. from fiddling with the 10 Ladies Dancing.
The 11 Lords a Leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a milking, and the 9 Pipers Piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 Swans a Swimming.
The 6 Geese are laying the 4 Calling Birds, and the 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves and Partridge in a Pear Tree have me up to my ears in bird shit.
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and those dumb-ass Polocks have scheduled Christmas for the 8th of February.
But you have a merry Christmas anyway.
Love
Santa Claus
