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Clean Jokes

 

You’re the crazy one!

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he

hears all the residents inside chanting, ""Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, ""Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

 

 

THE TEST

  • At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an ""A"" so far for the semester.

    These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to University of Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time - however, after all the hardy partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

    Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

    The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.

    He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. ""Cool,"" they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, ""this is going to be easy."" Each finished the problem and then turned the page.

    •

    On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

     

     

    Heart Attack

    A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and ask if this is it.

    God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.

    She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

    She arrives in front of God and complains: "I thought you said I had another 30 years.

    God replies, "I didn't recognize you."

     

     

     

     

     

     

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